A smart person and dumb in relationship

Smart phones can dumb down relationships › Dr Karl's Great Moments In Science (ABC Science)

a smart person and dumb in relationship

I know women are smart and I'd like to think that I am in that category of However, for the life of me, I don't get why we settle for relationships that Personally, I hate living alone – I like having people around me all the time. If you love your partner and your relationship is happy, but they're not as. find yourself attracted to very smart or much less intelligent people, try to find a happy . But when it comes to relationships, I've usually been pretty stupid. the right answers, but somehow I'm always falling in love with the wrong person. I was blessed with a smart brain, but I was cursed with a dumb heart.

But while being smarter sounds appealing, actually living everyday life as an extremely intelligent person can throw up some very real, but rarely acknowledged, challenges.

  • They know how much they don't know.
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  • Smart people are more often alone.

Not sure you believe me? Then take it from Stanford grad and successful entrepreneur Ramit Sethi. Having studied and worked side by side with some brilliant folks, he's noticed a few recurring patterns when it comes to the downsides of extreme intelligence. He outlined five in a blog post.

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Perfectionism is "the smart person's version of Fear of Failure," according to Sethi. They're afraid of looking stupid.

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This can drive some perverse behavior in kids labeled smart. After school is over the same fear can prevent clever adults from asking questions or learning something new, both of which might reveal their ignorance. They forget what it's like to be a beginner. They want to skip the basics.

Why do smart women settle for dumb relationships?

Well, not if they're Elon Musk-level smartbut your garden-variety intelligent person does, at least in Sethi's experience. But if you want confirmation that being smart isn't all upside, you don't have to rely on personal observations like Sethi's. There is also plenty of hard science showing that while big brains create wonderful things for the world, they also often create real struggles for those in possession of them. Smart people are more often alone. A fascinating recent study found that compared with the less gifted, smart people tend to spend more time alone.

a smart person and dumb in relationship

There's a silver lining for the exceptionally smart, however. While science suggests that they're likely to be less socially connected than others, it also suggests that this lack of human contact will impact their happiness less.

a smart person and dumb in relationship

So while you're more likely to be a loner if you're highly intelligent, that lifestyle is less likely to make you lonely -- presumably because you're too busy building a world-changing business or curing disease to be much bothered about missing bowling night.

They know how much they don't know.

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Afterwards, they separately filled out questionnaires about the connectedness of the conversation, how close a relationship they had, and their feelings of closeness during their minute get-together.

In the pairs who had a phone sitting on the table, even though neither of them owned the phone, they each reported a lower quality of relationship and less closeness.

So despite them not consciously noticing the phone, it somehow interfered with their frankness.

a smart person and dumb in relationship

Think of a group of people sitting down to a meal together in a restaurant. They will be laughing and catching up on the news and swapping stories — but often not with the people at the same table. They'll ignore the people in front of them, and interact with somebody else, somewhere else on the planet. And even if they are not interacting with somebody else somewhere else, they'll be checking their email, or cataloguing their photos, or checking into a social network you know the kind of thing.

The psychologists then repeated their experiment — but with a twist.

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Half the time, the assigned topic of conversation was moderately intimate — discuss the "most meaningful events of the past year". The other half of the time, it was totally casual — what were their feelings about plastic Christmas trees? A similar number of people were put through the same rituals sitting in a room with three pieces of furniture — and again, sometimes there was a random mobile phone on the table beside them, and sometimes there was not.

When there was a phone involved, it made no difference to the casual conversation, but a world of difference to the intimate conversation. But if there was no smart phone nearby, the intimate conversation would "help foster closeness, connectedness, interpersonal trust, and perceptions of empathy — the building blocks of relationships.

Now the volunteers in the study did not actively notice that there was a mobile phone nearby. But somehow, its mere presence "inhibited the development of interpersonal closeness of trust, and reduced the extent to which individuals felt empathy and understanding from their part".

Today most people in the world have a mobile phone.