The problem with infatuation — when your imagination goes too far - HelloGiggles
Jul 29, But one type of ultra rare infatuation will test every fiber of a guy's in the early stages of meeting or knowing a girl whom you feel you can really go places with. It's a feeling that can throw a giant wrench in the “talking phase,”. Feb 5, In the first 4 days meeting a girl you're attracted to, you don't actually fall in be the singular cause, but throw an intriguing woman into a petri dish of loneliness. 6 days ago If you are simply experiencing a romantic crush, you will find the person very . in terms of intensity, especially since mental illness is usually thrown into the mix. . This boy or girl is a phase in your life, albeit an intense one.
When will you see them? Where do they hang out? Basically, infatuation becomes destructive when you do everything for that person. You stop being yourself, you stop pursuing your own interests and doing what is important to you because you are so caught up in trying to impress them or trying to orchestrate magical ways of running into them that will lead to magical conversations that will magically have them falling head over heels in love with you.
If there is anything I know about relationships, it is this: People do not want to be with a codependent obsessive. People are attracted to independent individuals with their own things going on. And what attraction might have naturally risen between you two can be very easily squandered by your obsessive and hungry behavior. How Do You Stop Obsessing? Obsession starts with thoughts. When dangerously infatuated, that person becomes all you think about. More easily said than done, the solution is to think about something else.
Action is usually necessary- pick a way of spending your time that demands your full attention. By improving one of your skills, you will be focusing on something other than that person, and your self esteem will rise up a little bit so that their pedestal shrinks just a wee bit.
You must state your intention to release the attachment. It helps to visualize- imagine ties or rope coming off of your body and going into the body of the object of your affection. Vividly imagine those ties being cut, and be grateful for it. Besides focusing on something else and surrendering your problem, I suggest also analyzing why you feel so attracted to them.
Do they certain traits you feel might complete you? If so, consider the possibility that you are just disowning those traits in yourself and projecting them onto the other person. Do they treat you a certain way, maybe like your dad or father figure or first love treated you? Do they fit your ideal mold for the perfect partner? If so, try to get to know them better before jumping to such conclusions. But just focus on you and other aspects of your life more, not them.
Restore the balance of your attention, focus, and emotions. Trust your intuition, but also trust the timing of things and the generally ambiguous nature of the world we live in.
For this reason, if you are infatuated with someone, you are not happy with your current life. I suggest that you utilise this in the healthiest possible way and focus on solidifying strong, platonic friendships.
Dealing with Infatuation: How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone
You won't feel the high of infatuation and attraction, but you won't experience the horrible lows either, and you will be immensely satisfied because you'll form close bonds and feel understood by people who want to be in your life for genuine reasons, other than desire. Don't let this scare you. A diagnosis would just be putting a label on what you've felt your entire life. Don't let them shape your months and years, and don't let your life be a string of feelings for different people with you making no advancements in your own life.
Even if you don't feel sound enough on a psychological level, force yourself to make friends, to exercise, to work and to read books. Use this to your advantage - it just means that your brain is prone to creating dopaminergic pathways to motivate you.
Currently, you're motivated to get this person into your life, but you can use this mental tactic to enjoy other things intensely, like academics, hobbies, pets etc. Become obsessed with another country, and make it your mission to learn the language fluently and move there within the next 8 years. Grab onto something other than a person that sparks your interest and get you thinking "my life would be amazing IF Some would advise against this, but I believe it's the only healthy way to cope with a propensity to idolising people.
They will never love you as fiercely as you "love" them, because they will never be consumed by someone in the way that people consume and fill your existence. This may fill you with sadness but is reality; your mental issues aren't their problem, nor are they something that many people will relate to. Find some bittersweet comfort in the isolation. It'll require you to change your negative thinking patterns, but it's possible. Live in the moment and deal with any false, irrational thoughts like "this will last forever".
Every time you think that, correct yourself and remember that you're feeling something very strong and unpleasant, but that's all it is and in no way does this equate to any form of permanence.
You can feel things strongly without them lasting forever!
Dealing with Infatuation: How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone - Being Ridiculously Good at Life
I don't know why we, as humans, struggle with this idea so much. There are so many sensory afflictions that come and go. For example, think of a terrible illness where you're vomiting constantly and can barely walk.
You feel like you're never going to feel well again, but days later, you bounce back. The illness is just a faint memory that doesn't even inspire much emotion in you.
Similarly, sometimes we come across music that we love and then can barely stand to hear it a month later. We, as humans, go through many phases in our life. Phases are definitely valid life experiences, but find comfort in their ephemerality! This boy or girl is a phase in your life, albeit an intense one. One day, you will look back and associate them with whatever music you're currently listening to, the clothes you're currently wearing and the way that you feel.Stop Getting Distracted - By Sandeep Maheshwari I Hindi I Avoid Distractions and Stay Focused
That is because those aspects of your life are also a phase. This person won't make your heart skip forever. If you take one thing from this article, let it be that.
You won't believe me now, but there will come a time when you don't care who they date, and their name won't even stand out to you in a list.
Human emotions are weird, huh? You Love Your Brain's Chemicals, Not This Person Unless you are experiencing a healthy crush within reality just attraction and the feeling of connectionyour infatuation is a result of an unhealthy dopamine reward circuit that your brain has essentially created as a survival mechanism. Infatuation is the brain making its own fun through a "fantasy bond". Your brain provides you with a sugary high full of wonder and hope and promises for the future, and then when real life doesn't follow the illusion e.
There is a duality to every strong psychological experience, and what goes up always comes down. Mocking yourself slightly and realising that your brain is "glitching" in this way is imperative. If the attraction wasn't there, and you knew their personality inside out, would you still "need" them? It's almost impossible that you would. You might love them in a genuine way, just like some elderly couples love each other after years of commitment, but it wouldn't be delightful and euphoric.
It wouldn't be what you're craving now, believe me. Find comfort in the above. If you find yourself thinking "I've met him at the wrong point in my life, we could have grown old together etc. Yes, maybe if you had met this man in 5 years time you'd date and then marry him and be happy in the stable sense of the word, with no thrillbut the truth is that that's not even what you want.
You want to be able to act on the passionate feelings that you currently have, and for those to last forever, which is why the supposed "missed connection" is so tragic and hard for you to cope with. We are animals at the end of the day, and our bodies function to promote survival, often not bothering about our feelings.
If your life is lacking authenticity, excitement and motivation, your brain may work to ensure the survival of your genes by creating its own goals. Don't listen to everything that your mind is telling you and try not to crave the highs that it is offering you! Understanding the science behind this turbulent experience is crucial, and is the only way to think practically without being nihilistic and numbing yourself to your feelings.
This area of neuroscience is fascinating, as it deals with human experiences that seem so spiritual and magical that it's hard to believe that they are caused and controlled by relatively simple chemicals.
However, a handful of neurotransmitters control all aspects of your mood and mental health, and therefore can explain every thought and motive that an infatuation will cause you to experience.
Dopamine is the "pleasure chemical", and relates to euphoria, addiction and craving. It can also inspire goal-based behaviour, e.
Infatuation Is a Temporary Illusion: How to Escape the Pain
When you first fall into infatuation and you cannot imagine happiness with anyone else but this individual, it is dopamine acting It gives us momentum in life and quite literally drives humanity, but in the case of infatuation, it is a delightful yet dangerous substance. When noradrenaline is also released, the two neurotransmitters can undergo a reaction and produce not only an elated mood, but also focused attention, hyper-activity and loss of appetite.
All of these changes can be witnessed in the "lovesick"; you develop tunnel vision during these biochemical changes. You are greatly inspired by anything to do with the other person, and bored at the rest of the world, for it all seems so dull compared to the object of your passion. While noradrenaline is a neurotransmitter and adrenaline a hormone, the two contribute synergistically to a racing heart and the novel excitement associated with love.
Serotonin is low when you are infatuated, which is counterintuitive, as high levels of serotonin are also commonly associated with "lovey-dovey" feelings. In fact, taking ecstasy causes a great release of this neurotransmitter, and depression is caused by low levels of it.
However, the infatuated brain shows the same low serotonin levels as someone with OCD, which explains the obsessive nature of infatuation, and hence why you should avoid romanticizing your state and realize that you are essentially mentally ill while in the throes of this level of passion.
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Adrenaline activates stress responses in the body, and is involved with the physiological signs of infatuation. It activates the levels of other hormones like cortisol, which all activate the sympathetic nervous system in a cascade-like manner, causing trembling, sweating and an increased heart rate.
Oxytocin is released during intimate acts, cuddling and other forms of close, trust-based contact. It is slightly different to the others, as it does not directly cause "infatuation". In other words, it does not contribute to the insanely powerful passion that one feels while infatuated. Rather, it adds to the experience by increasing the sweet feelings of trust and fondness.
For this reason, it is also extremely important in relationships after the infatuation and hence the craving caused by dopamine wears off.